Reasons to Live in Thailand

as opposed to living in the USA.

1. Having a maid one full day each week: $35 per month.

2. 2 hour Thai foot massages.

3. Batter-dipped, deep-fried lettuce.

4. Shower gel, deodorant, talcum powder, and lotion in matching scents.

5. Unlimited voice, message and data plan for iPhone: $14 per month

6. They bring you freshly cooked food and bus your table, even at McDonald's.

7. Being stunningly beautiful; pale skin color compensates for being fat and middle-aged to the point of getting drop-jawed stares from even young Thai men.

8. Grilled salted fish.

9. Gold I'm not allergic to - 23K.

10. Watermelon year round, pre-sliced in packages.